Double Procedure

I woke up in the morning nervous but excited for the procedure, hoping it would give me more answers as to why I feel so terrible. I took a shower and dressed in loose fitting clothes as instructed. My mom drove me to the endoscopy center for 10am and waited with me until I was called in.

When I first arrived I was asked to fill out some paperwork and provide my ID, insurance card, and a list of current medications. As I was filling out the paperwork there was a section that said "referring doctor/primary care". I asked the receptionist if the person that I listed in this section would receive a copy of my results, as she said yes I started to write down Dr. M's information. She then tells me that it has to be my primary care doctor. Me: "O.K. Why? This is my rheumatologist and he is the one that referred me here and he wants a copy of the results." Receptionist: "They have a list that they use and it only has primary care doctors on it so that is what you have to put down, otherwise the only people that can have a copy are you and Dr. V." Extremely confused and frustrated I start to write down the name of my primary care doctor and in the back of my head I am wondering what list she is talking about and why she can't just have my records sent to Dr. M., after all they are MY records and I decide who gets them not you... Receptionist: "It has to be an M.D. it can not be an APRN." Right... of course, because the woman that I see regularly, and am in the process of writing down is an APRN... At this point I am ready to jump over the counter and strangle the lady sitting in front of me. I have not had anything to eat in over 24 hours, I've been shitting for almost 24 hours, I'm exhausted, and I'm nervous as hell... now is not the time to piss me off. I scribble both doctors names off of the piece of paper and continue to harass the woman about how it makes no sense that I can not have my records sent to my referring doctor who happens to be a rheumatologist and not my primary care, at this point I had tears in my eyes out of anger and frustration and she must have been able to see this because she finally decided to tell me that I could ask the nurse when I get in to the back. Aggravated I walk away and sit with my mom until my name is called.

I walked from a waiting room that looked like a regular doctors office through double doors into a room that looked just like the hospital and immediately felt my anxiety kick in. A very friendly nurse showed me wear to change, explained how to wear the gown, and where to put my clothes. She took me to my stretcher and covered me in a few layers of blankets because I told her I was cold. Even though I felt a lot of anxiety this woman was really helping to keep me calm. She was so nice and explained everything to me... Then came the time to put the IV in... She tied the bad around my arm and inspected my veins... She then decided that  it would be best to wrap my arm in warm towels to bring my veins out more. I knew at this point that it was going to be bad. I informed her that the past few times I have had blood work done, they had quite a bit of trouble with my right side and have had better luck with the left. She heard me but wrapped my right arm up and said another nurse would be in soon. A new nurse walked in and introduced herself. She unwrapped my arm and attempted to insert the IV 3 times with no success and gasps of pain from me. It was clear that she felt terrible and she kept apologizing to me. I told her it was O.K. I was used to it because it happens a lot with blood work and told her that my left side usually works better. She seemed surprised that I didn't tell her this before she tried and asked why I didn't tell her that... "Well, I told the nurse that was in here before you". Again she apologized and told me that she was going to let the anesthesiologist do it. A few minutes later I could hear her talking to the anesthesiologist and he came in to introduce himself and look at my arms. He asked her to get him a few things (I don't remember what he said and didn't know what they were anyway) and shortly I was being wheeled into the room that I would be in during my procedure.

I was so nervous at this point. I saw my doctor sitting at a computer and two other women preparing things. There was suctioning noises, things were beeping, and it felt like I was getting moved in every direction as people took turns prepping me. Before I knew it I had oxygen in my nose, a plastic tube strapped around my head and into my mouth, and the anesthesiologist  attempting the IV. With my other hand I grabbed the bar to the stretcher in pain, and a nurse saw my anxiety. As tears started rolling down my face she rubbed my head and held my hand and reassured me over and over that it was going to be O.K. I was so thankful to have her there. At 26 years old I felt like a scared child and she was my only source of comfort at that time. The anesthesiologist warned that I would feel a pinch as he was giving me a shot to numb my arm in attempts to get the IV in again. I never once looked, I never do... I think if I do I will either pass out or throw up. Finally the nurse told me I was going to feel a burning feeling on my arm and the medication would be coming through the IV. She was not kidding, it hurt like hell and I remember attempting to say "my arm hurts" through the plastic tube that was strapped into my mouth, with tears rolling down my face and oxygen blowing into my nose I was instructed to role onto my side and I did. The room got blurry and that was it.

I woke up back in the quiet prep room. I opened my eyes and saw spots of blood on the blanket that was on me and immediately started to cry. A nurse came in and asked me over and over why I was crying. I didn't have an answer so I said "I don't know". I still don't know why I was crying, I just was. After being awake for a few minutes my mom came in and I realized I had pain in my hand... the IV had some how ended up in my hand.